I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
