So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
