Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
3 2 1 whiskey
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
