i already hear my dad disowning me
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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