I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
