the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
