you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
