Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
