I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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