Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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