My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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