elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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