Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
