I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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