dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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