my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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