I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
