found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Ladies don't puke and tell
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It all started with a game of naked twister.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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