we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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