I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
