I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you win again, gameday.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
