I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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