Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
3pm strippers are depressing
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize