rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
