This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
