All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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