we're chasing vodka with high fives
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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