I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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