My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
