you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
