sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
