Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
