I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
