dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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