no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
