Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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