90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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