I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
