I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
