maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
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You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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