3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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