I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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