It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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