think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
