Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
