I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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