How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
