:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
it glows. i had to have it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
