Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
