i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
