omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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