haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I am in a vortex of obligation.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
