It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
