We're facebook friends in real life
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
