I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
