You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
