if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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