I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
