I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
