I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
