"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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