Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
