you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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