I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
