Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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