I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
