Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
