i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
