party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
