Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
