the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize