I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
