Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
