bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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