i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
