Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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