I've blown a few things in my day
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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