So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
