I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
