Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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