i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
