mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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