I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
