I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
