Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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