my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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