i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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