Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
