Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Be still, my beating vagina.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
