My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
