first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
