Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
