Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
