my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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