even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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