how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
