Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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