Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
