you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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