Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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