She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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