I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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