If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize